The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a family member about this unforgiving thing. She mentioned that its not a weight or burden in her life because she doesn't think about the people who hurt her, she just never speaks to them again...
If there is anyone in the world that can tell you about forgiveness its me. I turned away from my family for 4 years because of unforgiveness. I completely disappeared. The people that hurt me never knew they hurt me and I kept a log of every single time they did something to me that hurt me. In my mind was the paper and pen and everytime I felt hurt I would remind myself of the things they did to me prior.
Its not good for us to keep a hold on the things that people do to us to hurt us. Let God deal with them. You let it go! It will only hold you back from moving forward. It can hold you back from the things that are good for you in your future. Its an unnecessary burden.
I thought that by separating myself from the people I was separating myself from the pain. It gave me an opportunity to see that I'm the one still holding on to things. And ultimately Im the one still being hurt. These people are continuing with their lives. They are still growing, learning and living. No reason for me to continue to be upset. And the worst part of it all is that THEY HAD NO IDEA THEY HURT ME.
All along I was allowing hurt and pain to blind me to the fact that they didn't know any better.
People are what they know. If they don't know how to Love how can they Love you? You just have to have compassion for them. Thats what I learned through this experience.
God First, Then Theres You, Then Everybody Else!
~Emeliyeh~
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Very true! Amen sista
ReplyDeletethat is true but what if the person that hurt you so many times it get to the point that you dont even want to see them because everytime you see them it brinngs back all the memories of the pain that they have caused you........what do you do in that situation
ReplyDeleteThats exactly what happened to me. But I was hurt so bad that it caused me to be angry and bitter. Its because you havent dealt with that pain. I allowed the pain to change me instead of me changing the way I felt about the pain.
ReplyDeleteIn an effort to recover I started by focusing on exactly what it was about the person that would hurt me. What was it that would get me so upset? I looked back at all the things that was done to me and I tried to understand WHY. Why did they do what they did?
After analyzing everything I came to the conclusion that most of the time they didnt know how badly they were hurting me. I also realized that it was part of my fault because I had never said" Hey, dont do this or dont say that because 'YOU HURT ME WHEN YOU DO THAT". That was the hardest thing for me to do. To confess the way I felt made me feel vulnerable and subject to being hurt again. I was so afraid of being rejected. I was scared that my feelings would be hurt again by not being cared for. That fear caused me to never speak up. So one hurt became another and so on and so forth.
What Im trying to say is...
Hurt begats hurt. Pain begats pain in a sense. Hurt people, hurt people. The ones that caused you the most pain probably have more pain than you can imagine. You have to be open and honest. Start with yourself. Let your guards down. Pride sometimes keeps them up. Dont be afraid that you'll get rejected or hurt again. If you spent or spend alot of time with that person they probably do care about you and just express it in a different way. Set aside a particular moment to just let it all out. In a way that it would help you and the other person and not hurt you guys. Be bold and mature about it. It took me four years to face my fears. Dont let time pass you by. You miss out on so so much. And you go through so much unecessary pain. Dont allow this to put you in bondage relationally. Eventually you have to Let Go and Let God.
thanks that helped alot
ReplyDeleteWOW
ReplyDelete