Thursday, August 6, 2009

Is Love Painful?

Alot of times I confused the meaning of Love with my perception of it. Love is what we believe it is. Or what we create it to be. In my mind, love is magical and has a story book ending. Like Happily Ever After stories. I believe that they can exist right now. I know it sounds far fetched and some people would beg to differ but thats what it means to me. Despite my past relationships, despite the pain I felt because of love, I still trust my heart.

My first experience with love beginning with my parents was not all joy because I expected more from them growing up. They didnt know how to fulfill my image of what a parent should be Because they didnt know what my image was. As a result, I was hurt and it was painful during that time. But that time has passed and I can not hold everybody responsible for my parents actions or my experience. My husband shouldnt have to suffer because of the bad decisions my father has made. I want to make sure my son will not suffer because of me.

So with that in mind, Love is not how your father treated you. Its not how your mother decided to take care of you. What your experience is with relationships in your past is not even close to what love should be. I imagine that if they are in the past they were never meant to be in your future. The time you have right now is a gift. Cherish it and make the most you can out of it. Look toward your future! Dont walk around judging your current relationships with the failure of your past ones. Ask God to deliver you from the pain you've experienced. Ask him "What for?" Why did you have to go through that pain? What did you learn from it? Who can you teach about it? Who else do you know is suffering from that very thing? Allow God to use you. You went through the pain for a reason. I beleive everything we go through is for somebody else. Thats why Im doing what Im doing even now. A blog. Because somebody can take and use this in their life.

I believe the only reason Im allowed to imagine what True love is, is because Im open to experiencing the Love of God. Everyday I look for signs of him in my relationships and in my surroundings. I cant stop thanking God for the simple things in life like the birds and the bees and the trees. I cant stop thanking him for my family and the people around me. Seeing how different we are but made perfectly in his image. No matter how bad they hurt me, I learned to forgive and keep going. Keep trusting. Keep Loving.

Dont allow your past hurts to determine your future. Dont allow yourself to be held captive by pain and hurt or suffering. There is an author named John Graden who said "short-term pain equals long-term gain". You hurt only for a season but you grow during that season and mature into something much bigger and much better than the pain you're experiencing.

Is Love Painful? Yes! It can be but what will you do with the painful experiences in love? Will you allow it to dictate your future or will you choose to change that baby around for your good? Change will allow all future endeavors with Love to bring different results. We choose our path in love. Choose change this day! But remember...

God First, Then Theres You, Then Everybody Else.


Monday, July 13, 2009

"The Viscious Cycle"

What do you do when you find yourself going through the same thing over and over again? When you keep making the same mistakes. I call this "The Vicious Cycle". Its a cycle of continuous hurt, continuous pain and no pain reliever. It seems like every time you enter a new relationship with a new person, you experience the same hurt you had before. The famous question I ask is "WHY ?"
I believe God allows things to happen for a reason. I believe there is something you need to learn that you havent learned yet. That is why you keep going through the same thing. The same cycle. I learned in my relationship with my husband that when I opened myself up to take a risk, I learned what Love is all about. I attracted someone to Love me and I trusted God to protect my heart from hurt in that relationship. I cant imagine my life without my husband. He helps me push when its too hard. He shows me my strengths when I feel weak. We all deserve to experience real Love.
So in the words of someone near and dear to me, "Lets get to the root of this!"

What is the root? Why do you continue to allow the same cycle of things to happen? There is a very important missing peice you can't see yet.
Fear is the root of many problems. Fear is the number one thing that can cause the cycle to continue in your life.
For example: Those that dont pour their heart into a relationship because of Fear of loving someone and getting hurt. Or those that have the fear of being rejected by the person your in love with. There is even a fear of rejecting the person that fell in love with you. We get scared of having a successful relationship because we don't know what to expect and never experienced it before. Maybe we never even saw good examples of Love in the relationships of people around us as children. As a result, we matured into adults with negative images of what we thought a relationship should be like. What ever your situation may be, prayer changes things!

A friend recently told me she believes her root is Insecurity. We discussed the fact that her insecurity is probably why she keeps ending up with the same type of men. Shes settling for less. Shes also afraid that a better type of man wouldn't be satisfied with her and afraid that she would not be able to spark his interest. The root here? Fear.
The first thing is to try to develop a relationship with your Heavenly Father! He knows what you desire so if you discuss this issue with him, you will find relief. I told my friend, God knows her boyfriend better than her boyfriend knows his self. Ask God to reveal to you if hes the one.

The second thing to do is to learn to LOVE YOURSELF. My grandmother will always say "How can anybody Luv U and U dont even Luv Yo Self". LOL. Once we learn to Love ourselves, then we will certainly attract people who can easily fall in love with us. Look yourself in the mirror everyday and begin to tell yourself everything you love about yourself. Every time you hear something negative, dismiss it and tell yourself a couple more things thats good about you. Keep doing this until you honestly believe it. Its not about being conceded its about being confident.

God may have allowed the cycle for you to get frustrated with making the same mistakes. So that you will search for the missing peices within you. He wants you to reach your goals. You just gotta trust him...

God First, Then Theres You, Then Everybody Else!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

7/9/9 Poem

When writing this poem, I was inspired by a co-worker of mines. I could see her deepest thoughts. It was a very intense time for me. Remember, the only reason God will show you things in others is because your looking at yourself :-)

Is It Me?

I feel as if I'm trapped in a distant place far away
And everyone who sees me cant see my tortured face.
I reach out to those I think I know
Who walk cordially in an unfamiliar place.

Disgusted. Tormented. Abused and Confused.
I crown myself queen of hatred and delude.
Living in an ungodly kingdom of deception and disappointment
Is bringing continual praise to forces unannointed.

As I procede to the effortless end of my journey
My hearts rhythmic contraction is captured
By a negative image of love controlling my imagination.

Is it me?


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Choice Is Yours!

We have to learn who we are. We have to Love ourselves first. We have to find a way to get to the point where the enemy can not see us sweat. Or see our weakness and use it against us.

In a battle of nations, the enemies looks for week areas in your strongest parts and targets them.

What is your strongest aspect? Where is your weakest area? We need to locate our weakest area and define ways to strengthen it so that when it comes to the battle field of our lives we are not overtaken and subdued.

Anybody with power and position knows who they are. They carry themselves different. President Obama and Oprah know who they are. They both had determination despite the controversy.
What about u? Who are you? Can you push yourself when opposition comes. Will you be able to follow your dreams despite the negativity around you?

When u look in the mirror what do u see? Who do u see? Self image can make u or break u. Do u see yourself as successful or not? As an entrepreneur or employee? A wife or girlfriend? Husband or boyfriend? Is your hearts desire to be fruitful in every area of your life? How are you going to accomplish it?

Now is the time to get with it or you can miss it. I just want to encourage you that NOW is the time to pursue your dreams. Start working towards the things you want to do.

WHAT WILL U CHOOSE?????????????

God First, Then Theres You, Then everybody Else!

7/7/9 Poem...

What Do I Do

What do you do when your overwhelmed with Confusion?
When you dont know what to do and ALL eyes are on you.
When you cant give up because too many people are dependant.
When you cant give in because it would be too disappointing.
When you settle for less than what you deserve
Because you lack self confidence, motivation and Love.

I just do the best I can do and hope that someday it would be credable.


Thursday, July 2, 2009


The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a family member about this unforgiving thing. She mentioned that its not a weight or burden in her life because she doesn't think about the people who hurt her, she just never speaks to them again...

If there is anyone in the world that can tell you about forgiveness its me. I turned away from my family for 4 years because of unforgiveness. I completely disappeared. The people that hurt me never knew they hurt me and I kept a log of every single time they did something to me that hurt me. In my mind was the paper and pen and everytime I felt hurt I would remind myself of the things they did to me prior.
Its not good for us to keep a hold on the things that people do to us to hurt us. Let God deal with them. You let it go! It will only hold you back from moving forward. It can hold you back from the things that are good for you in your future. Its an unnecessary burden.
I thought that by separating myself from the people I was separating myself from the pain. It gave me an opportunity to see that I'm the one still holding on to things. And ultimately Im the one still being hurt. These people are continuing with their lives. They are still growing, learning and living. No reason for me to continue to be upset. And the worst part of it all is that THEY HAD NO IDEA THEY HURT ME.
All along I was allowing hurt and pain to blind me to the fact that they didn't know any better.
People are what they know. If they don't know how to Love how can they Love you? You just have to have compassion for them. Thats what I learned through this experience.

God First, Then Theres You, Then Everybody Else!

Monday, August 4, 2008

True Unmeasured Faith

Can I give to my God with such little I have.

Being a human, imperfect creature.

How can I offer my King the best.

How can I give to You a perfect thing when in all the things I have, I have nothing to bring.

Nothing will suffice. After living such a sinful life.

I can give you my Sundays.
And afterward, evangelism...To walk and talk and Pray.

Im so blessed with the power of the trinity.

To Prophesy into others lives so blindly.

And wait for You to fill the many empty spaces of my heart.

You've given me so many people.
To pour into my Spirit day by day.

They poor and poor but I still live in these thoughts.

You never allowed them judge or offend in any way.

My gratitude extends through true unmeasured faith.